International Incident...of Appreciation

Now for anyone who is not Canadian and reads this blog, I appreciate your patience with my patriotism and references to things specifically Vancouverian or Canadian (Although to be fair patriotism is new to Canada, we just got it in February). I love it here, but that doesn't mean I'm not jealous of some of awesome things other countries have (except you, Belarus) So, in the interest of fairness and global equality (except you, Belarus) I've decided to post 3 things I like about every country that has visited the blog in the last month. Here goes...something:

Canada - (you know how I feel about you. You've gotten enough)

U.S.A. - I actually have no problem being your friendly, polite, hockey loving hat because of:

- The NFL
- Cracker Barrel restaurants
- Your ability to flank my country with land (clutch move buying Alaska. We won't mess with you, promise.)

 (Together we could be unstoppable. Your weapons, our healthcare)

South Korea - When given my choice of Koreas, I'd choose yours every time because:

- The other Korea is a real douche
- Your national sport is Taekwondo. So very very awesome.
- EveR-1 is the world's second female android (robot created to resemble humans) developed by scientists from South Korea.

(Can you teach this soulless monster to love....for a reasonable rate?)

Denmark - I would happily fight anyone who says the Danes aren't great because:

- Walt Disney got the idea for his themepark after visiting the Tivoli amusement park in Denmark.
- You invented LEGO (but why does it never look like it does on the box?!)
- The local long form of your name is "Kongeriget Daanmark" which incidently will also be the title and name of the main character in a badass action movie I just decided to write.

 ("He's Dane. You're dead. summer 2013")

South Africa - Nothing will segregate me from my appreciation of South Africa because:

- The southern Free State town of Jagersfontein has the deepest vertical man-made hole in the world. Take that, planet! Way to show the Earth you're not gonna put up with it's bullshit, South Africa
- Based on my extensive research, there are more girls in South Africa with purple hair than in Canada. That's a problem for us, and a win for you.
- Your flag is awesome!

(Although we aren't really the authority on cool flags. Woooo...a leaf.)

The United Kingdom - One day I'd like to sit down and have tea with you because:

- Your accents. No matter what you say, you sound very distinguished and I will accept anything you tell me.
- A law states that: "It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament". Which is equal parts awesome and unpunishable:

"My lord, Sir Chesterwickenshire has died"

"Where did it happen?" (breaks monacle)

"In the house of Parliament"

"Well then, he shall be arrested and sentenced to....dammit!"

- Your cops are called "Bobbies". I can only assume your Detectives are called "Roberts".

 (Show us your bobbies)

The Netherlands - I've been there twice, I barely remember it but I love it because:

- Your devotion to the colour Orange.
- M. Laverman likes you, so I have no choice but to agree with him.
- According to my research, the highest point in your country is called "The Mountain". The Dutch: they call 'em as they see 'em.

(This Chick = the second highest point in the Netherlands)

Turkey - You guys don't take Istanbullshit from anyone. I respect you because:

- The oldest tin mine was found in Göltepe, 60 miles south of Tarsus. As a HUGE fan of tin mines, this was great to learn.
- Istanbul is the only city in the world that was built on two continents.
- The largest lake in Turkey is called "Lake Van".

(Standard rules apply: Do not get into this van with a stranger...unless there is a promise of candy)

Sweden - For every crown on your hockey jerseys, here are reasons I like you. Because:

- You guys perfected the zipper. My balls may not like that, but I think it's pretty cool.
- You gave the world Abba. Abba gave the world "Fernando". Fernando gave me something to listen to while I sit in the dark crying.
- Daniel & Henrik Sedin

 (Our countries our forever linked. Sweden, keep up the good work)

Taiwan - My appreciate for you was made in Taiwan because:

- G. Rushton loves you, so by association so do I.
- You guys have "Typhoon season". I'm assuming that comes right after "Unrelenting courage season" and before "Is that the best you got, nature?" season.
- You had the tallest building on earth until Dubai fucked you over in 2008.

 (Prick.)

Ukraine - You-rock because:

- The Ukraine is slightly larger than Texas. (Suck it, Texas!)
- You are not Belarus
- I can't tell the difference between your Parliament and the Royal Rumble:

 ("Oh my god! That's Viktor Yanukovych's music! ")

So there you have it. If I got anything wrong, feel free to email jbowmancantsleep@gmail.com and set me straight. Hopefully this temporarily offsets any pro-Canada sentiments that come from me on this blog. Just know that whatever the timezone, j.Bowman Can't Sleep.


Thanks for reading (merci pour la lecture)
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-jB

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