Saturday, July 3, 2010

Bullet Point Summary Vol.1 - Dutch v. Brazil

The first BPS deals with the bullet points and random thoughts I had whilst (best word ever) watching the Netherlands take on the heavily favored Brazilians in the 2010 World Cup. I don't particularly like soccer or care really. But I do like the color orange and dutch names.

- Pre game I attempted to get fired up and excited about the game during the announcing of the starting lineups/substitutions.
"This is bullshit! I can't believe the Dutch aren't starting Vorm! Don't they know he consistently out-soccer's other players?!"

- The Netherlands national anthem, at times, sounds strangely like "O' Christmas Tree". And by "strangely" I of course mean "exactly".

- Before the game all the players pose behind a "Say No To Racism" banner. "Say No To Racism" of course narrowly edged out "Enchantment Under the Sea" as World Cup theme.

- 9:21 gone in the game and more players have fallen down than minutes have passed. This is bullshit. If I say the same thing at halftime (45 min) I am done with soccer forever. "PLAY LIKE MEN!"

- Dutch player gets a free kick and boots it WAAAY over the net. The announcer drops this gem on the audience: "Van Persie....trying to score against Cameroon, I guess". Hilarious. The guy is the British Don Taylor.

- The announcer informs the audience that in all World Cup meetings between the two teams, there has never been a goal scored in the first half. Awesome. I should go watch some Breaking Bad and check in later.

- Dear Holland, is it too much to ask for to have 1 player out there in wooden soccer cleats? Vorm would do it.

- Brazil scores. I get mad. Netherlands try and push back. Holy shit! I'm actually being entertained!

- In a compliment to this match's intensity, it's 19 minutes in before I start wishing for a brutal headbutt.

- The fastest guys on the pitch? Sideline judges. WATCH THOSE GUYS RUN!

- The Vuvuzela horns sound like an angry swarm of bees. I find this element intrigueing and exciting. The World Cup 2014 theme should be "Now with Bees". I'd watch the shit out of that.

- Halftime. Even though they are pro's, I still picture the players getting orange slices and juiceboxes from team mom.

- "Adidas proudly presents World Cup 2010" No shit.

- Netherlands score! Had to have been the orange slices.

- Before a free kick, there is a lot of shoving going on as the players jockey for position. The refs don't like that shit so one of them gets in there to stop it. Van Bommel (dutch player, obviously) starts nonchalantly shoving someone out of the way, not realizing it is the referee. The awkward moment when he looks over and then pretends he wasn't doing anything was classic.

- Netherlands score again, almost did a fist pump (not sure yet if soccer has achieved "fist pump" status)

- Red cards should have stuff written on them. Like "fuck you".

- Netherlands substitution. I hope and pray that Vorm gets put in to ice this thing.
"Robin Van Persie - out. Klaas Jan Huntelaar - in". Forget Vorm, that is one of the most badass names ever!

- Dutch win, Brazil gets eliminated and I'm actually satisfied with my decision to watch the game. The world hasn't turned upside down, but it is definitely at least sideways.

thanks for reading


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