Monday, July 5, 2010

Lebron James will leave Cleveland inhuman monster.

NBA free agency is upon us.....I'll give it a minute to let the excitement die, people sure care about NBA free agency and don't mind at all that their league is not very good. Ok, I will admit that unless it involves Steve Nash or ex Toronto Raptors coach Sam "superfly" Mitchell, the NBA can go fuck itself. I loooooove college hoops but the NBA has a ban on defence until game 5 of the NBA Finals and that just won't do.
However, there is something incredibly interesting and potentially hilarious this offseason. Chris Bosh (Toronto) and Dwayne Wade (Miami) are free agents. Big deal. People have been counting down the days, literally, for another player to enter free agency this year, and I just so happen to like him. Lebron James. Basically just like Steve Nash, only slightly bulkier.

First off, he is from Akron, Ohio and he plays for his homestate team. I love that. Also here is a guy who just recently gave up wearing #23 because he felt only Michael Jordan should be permitted to wear that number. How it took him 7 years to reach this conclusion, I'm not sure. But he did. I think the guy is an awesome basketball player and so do several professional basketball teams outside of Cleveland. At least 6 teams have been dumping salaries for the last TWO YEARS just to try and free up enough coin to land this guy. Jay-Z has been trying to get him to come to New York/New Jersey for even longer than that. "Lebron Watch" has officially kicked off. The man is free to sign with any team he likes. Cleveland, however, will not go down without a desperate, guilt-ridden fight. Check this shit out:

I can't post the video, sadly. And I don't wanna violate any (more) copyright laws and get sent to internet jail (It's the one place without porn) but essentially it is a 10 minute video produced by the Cavs comprised of highlights from his career set to damn inspiring music, quotes about how he is on a mission to bring a championship to Cleveland (seemingly taken from his first season 7 years ago). It is basically the visual equivalent of that mix CD you made that time to convince her to stay. And that totally worked with her, right? If he re-signs, it will be a great day for the highlight video industry. IT EVEN QUOTES GLADIATOR! My favorite part has to be the empassioned pleas from sports fans, kids, old ladies, and down on their luck folks who want to see this fella come back and play the basketballs for the Clevelands. Shit, the kid at 9:50 of the video is crying just thinking about the possibility of Lebron leaving. I swear this kid is gonna do something terrible to himself if Lebron doesn't come back.

Can you handle that Lebron? Can you handle crushing the dreams of at least 1 child just to cash in a big paycheck and move on to the big city?
"I'm King James, Bitch!"

Notice he is not holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel. Move on Cleveland, he doesn't love you.

thanks for reading


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