Saturday, October 29, 2011

NHL Casting Call: The Washington Capitals

You never know when something incredible is going to happen. At any given time, we could be moments away from seeing something that will change the landscape of the entire world, and when such things happen there is always someone ready to capitalize on it.

Odds are that person is in Hollywood.

The turnaround from "Real Life Events" to "Movie Adaptations" these days is so fast. I remember the day after Steve Jobs passed away reading that they had greenlit a movie about his life. It happens just that fast (they've greenlit the Clint Eastwood biopic roughly 9 times, but he's got fight in him).

Hollywood has been responsible for a lot of great moments in my upbringing, and whenever I can I like to give back. I've now accepted that I will never pay them back for bringing "Jurassic Park" into my life, and that's okay. The best way I can think of to help them would be to compile casting lists for... everything, just in case something incredible happens and they want to make a movie. Casting just the right people takes time.

Who knows? Tonight's Canucks vs. Capitals game could see something unbelievable and earth shattering go down (Volpatti hat trick?) and when the movie gets made, I'll reap some pats on the back from the movers and shakers in Tinseltown. Here is who should play selected members of the Washington Capitals team. You have to put a bankable star up front, so the person playing Alex Ovechkin comes with the Oscar pedigree to sell tickets and get award buzz.

(Note: Some of these players will have to be aged slightly for this movie to work. Also, one of them might need to be re-written as a car).

You're welcome, Hollywood.


Alex Ovechkin

Played by:

Sean Penn
(Ironically, couldn't get a picture with a smaller head)

Alex Semin

Played by:

Kevin Bacon (purely for "6 Degrees of..." reasons)

Joel Ward

Played by: 

The dude who played "Cutty" on "The Wire"

Brooks Laich

Played by:

Gene Hackman 
 (Great actor. He could play anyone he wants and nail it)

Jason Chimera

Played by:

J.K. Simmons

Matt Hendricks

Played by:

Kaitlin Olson of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"


Karl Alzner

Played by:

"Southland" actor Ben Mckenzie

Tom Poti

Played by:

Garret Dillahunt

Jeff Schultz

Played by:
Red Volkswagon Beetle with it's doors open

John Erskine
Played by:
Stand up comedian Jim Gaffigan


Tomas Vokoun

Played by:

"South Park" creator Trey Parker

Head Coach

Bruce Boudreau

Played by:
80's Pro Wrestler King Kong Bundy

Well I don't know about you, but with that all star cast, I would definitely see the movie version of what happens tonight. When you buy your tickets a year from now to see "Double Hat Trick: The Aaron Volpatti Story" you'll know the casting process started here first. Volpatti and the Canucks will of course be portraying themselves.

Thanks for Reading

- jB

Please follow me on twitter (@jbowmancouver). I ain't too proud to beg, and I love Motown music!

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