The Inanimate, Intangible Hall of Fame; May

Mon-f'n-peeps. I've missed you. Well most of you. To the people I didn't miss (you know who you are) I hope you all get "cake-faced" at some point in the next month.

"Cake-Face: (kayk-fay-ce) - The process in which your stupid face is shoved into a cake, thus making you look quite the fool to all who gaze upon you"

Oddly enough, I was on Dictionary.com today (one of the few non-porn sites I find worthwhile) and I've want to get into the practice of using their "word of the day" in whatever post I'm working on. Sometimes it will be a passing reference, sometimes it might be an entire post about the word (hoping like hell one day the word is "Batmanisawesome"). Todays word fits what I wanted to open with anyway so it will be easy to use.

"Sabbatical (suh-BAT-i-khul) - Any extended period of leave from one's customary work, especially for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc."

I solemnly promise this to you: I, although on a self imposed sabbatical, WILL NOT be using my time to acquire new skills or training (I might, however, ect. That sounds kinda fun). I haven't been working on the blog that much in late May, early June due to the fact that getting shitfaced while watching Hockey every two days does wonders for ones inability to sleep. This blog is not called "j.Bowman Can't Pass Out....then wake up and eat a pie. Not a whole pie, just like a slice. A big slice. A slice that's the size of about half a pie" (it would be a nightmare to register that url). I took a leave to focus all my energy on willing my beloved Vancouver Canucks to Stanley Cup glory...only to watch it go down in flames (...pun?) as they lost...in game 7...to a team from northeast USA...again.

I have been in mourning. The last time that same thing happened, I was 8 years old. To prove how emotionally mature I am now, keep in mind that when I was 8, I shut down the blog I wrote permanently I was THAT upset.

But I have creative obligations to uphold. I don't actually, but whatever motivates besides the fact that it's very quiet at 3:35 am, is helpful. So in keeping with tradition, I will close off May while dangerously close to the end of June, with more inductees into the most pointless Hall of Fame in the galaxy.

The "I.I.H.O.F" is about to get some new inductees. The following Inanimate, Intangible things are forever in my good books and enter the hallowed halls of...well, I don't have any hallowed halls, but if I did, the following things would be enshrined for all the look upon, and appreciate until the end of days.

Links to Previous entries can be found HERE


Class of May 2011:

Blog Feud 3: j.Bowman vs. ?????

Anyone familiar with j.Bowman Can't Sleep knows that I start every month with a new post in a series called "The Irritional Fear of the Month". Now as an admitted fan of symmetry, if I'm starting every month with a recurring post, I should end the month on a recurring post. I struggled for minutes to think of what I should write. Should I write a retrospective on the month that was and all that happened and how we all changed and grew as people? Fuck that. I'm gonna pick a fight.

But to pick a fight every month substantially cheapens causes I'm willing to throw down and fight for. That is why I decided to be more selective when it comes to picking my battles. To only wait until a true opponent pokes his head out of the "tool-shed" just long enough for me to take a shot, and to see if they got the applebees to stand up for what they foolishly believe in. To be patient, and vigilante and not let nonsense and idiocy go unanswered and unavenged.

Well I'm so glad to be so mad, cause that means today is that day.

CanuckWatch 2011: Slandering the Sharks

The opportunity for me to waste a few minutes of your day by needlessly attacking another hockey team that finds itself up against the Vancouver Canucks is once more upon us. The beloved 'Nucks enter into a Best of 7 Series against the San Jose Sharks, the winner goes on to the Stanley Cup Finals and the loser goes back home to San Jose. As has become customary, I felt the need to show respect to that team for being worthy adversaries and making it an exciting series the only way I know how...

...with malicious and potentially false lies about them.

Welcome to CanuckWatch 2011: Slandering the Sharks (for the record, I know that slander is spoken and libel is written, but slander is a much better word so that is what me and the staff have decided to go with. Cool? Cool.)

 (Official logo of "CanucksWatch"....a Canucks watch)

CanuckWatch 2011: Slandering the Predators

The opportunity for me to waste a few minutes of your day by needlessly attacking another hockey team that finds itself up against the Vancouver Canucks may be nearing an end (hopefully). With the Canucks up in the Best of 7 Series 3-1 against the Nashville Predators, I felt it necessary to show respect to that team for being worthy adversaries and making it an exciting series the only way I know how...

...with malicious and potentially false lies about them.

Welcome to CanuckWatch 2011: Slandering the Predators (for the record, I know that slander is spoken and libel is written, but slander is a much better word so that is what me and the staff have decided to go with. Cool? Cool.)

Completely One-Sided NHL Playoff Preview: Round 2

So what if it's several games in already? It's not like any teams have been eliminated already or anyth-

Holy shit, no way. Alright then, well I better hurry up with this before any more teams get knocked out. But the chances of everyone getting swept are extremely-

Holy shit, no way.

Irrational Fear of the Month: May

One new thing I learned to fear this month for no apparent reason is something I never directly thought about until recently faced with it. For the longest time I just carried on with my life not noticing how secretly terrifying it is. I believe it to be a harbinger of doom and ask all Monpeeps who read this, if the moment presents itself, to put an end to this blight of goodness and all things considered awesome. Of course I'm talking about magnification.