The Sleepless Knight Rises

Monpeeps, how are you?

Been awhile, (according to my calculations, it's been roughly six months). In case you've forgotten, I don't really do great when it comes to calculating things. I don't know what it is. My aversion to numbers? The fact that I am never really sure what Month it is? Or could it be my staunch refusal to use anything but an abacus? I certainly have no idea what it could be.

(ABACUS!!!!!)

When last I left you, I had "sold out" and gone legitimate with a blogging gig for a major newspaper here in Vancouver (who are we kidding, that paper is KING!). It has long been a dream of mine to sell out the first chance I got, and I'm proud to admit I took it. However, bitches and money can only get you so far in this life (roughly 6 months or so) and I miss writing here. I miss it every day. Plus I'm still waiting for my endorsement deals to come through.

(I would sell almost as many of these as I would eat. Almost)

 You may have noticed a sharp decline in my creative output here on j.Bowman Can't Sleep. And of course by "sharp decline" I mean "straight up vanishing act". For this, I am sorry. But it's not like I've been slacking off. From December-April I wrote 138 posts for that paper, and as much as I missed writing here (for those of Monpeeps who could give a shit about the Vancouver Canucks), it seems like every time I would write it would be about that hockey team I love who once again proved to be above such trivial things as "championships" and "making people happy".

(41st verse, same as the first)

 Oh, I slept a lot better too, which had a pretty profound effect on my prolificness (and my ability to make up words). However, "the game has changed" recently and I find myself staring at the ceiling for extended periods of time at all hours of the night once again. I don't know how much I'll write, if I will continue monthly features like the IIHOF and the Irrational Fear of the Month, or if I'll change the design to make it more watered down and easier to read (spoiler alert: I won't). Just figure for now I'd drop by and let you know, in case you were wondering, that's where I've been: Asleep.

(Like this, only with my eyes closed....and only one beer)

So, there really isn't a big point to this post, or a glorious epiphany that brought me back. I just felt like writing something, and there is no better time than now and no better reason than the one which made me start the blog in the first place.

j.Bowman Can't Sleep.

Good to be back.

Thanks for Reading

- jB

The Inanimate, Intangible Hall of Fame - November

(Bow-note: After the hostile takeover Vancouver Canucks related posts put into motion this month, I now have a place for all those musings to go that isn't j.B.C.S. You can now read all Canucks material at The Legion of Blog's page on The Province Sports located HERE. So thank you to all my readers NOT from Vancouver for your patience. The date of this post has been adjusted to keep it in November. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Bowgramming)

The "I.I.H.O.F" is about to get some new inductees. The following Inanimate, Intangible things are forever in my good books and enter the hallowed halls of... well, I don't have any hallowed halls, but if I did, the following things would be enshrined in the dumbest hall of fame for all to look upon, and appreciate, until the end of days.

You can check out the complete list of the I.I.H.O.F. right over HERE (as well as links to each post)

Class of November 2011

Cheap Ass Black Mittens

(Oh hell yeah!)

Replace The KB - Monpeeps Have Spoken...

I submitted 12 articles, 6 videos, and a whole lotta heart. Now, after three weeks of competition The Province Sports have picked the 4 who will replace the KB as their Canucks bloggers. Among the 4....

It is done. Check the link HERE for the "Bow-fficial" announcement. I'm going to keep this short, hopefully you'll be reading stuff from me for a long time, but I want to say thank you to the Province Sports, the 14 other competitors who brought the goods on a regular basis and blogged their hearts out. Check out the KB link here and feel free to click on the contestants and check them out. Win or lose, these are 14 people worth reading regularly. Most importantly I wish to thank...

You.

Every single person who believed the alternative underdog could pull this off and supported me every step of the way. Some of you I know, some of you I don't, but to all of you I'm eternally grateful. I do not take this opportunity lightly and I promise that I will continue to bring the goods and let you know that you backed the right horse. The pale horse.

I will write a bit more on the subject tomorrow, but for now...

... enough talk. Can I get an internet dance party going for all of Monpeeps out there? I'll bring the tunes. Get up off your chairs, stay in your chairs, do whatever you like. Just know, it's dancing time.

Thanks again. All systems Bow. Hit my music!



I dare you not to dance at 1:06. I DARE YOU!

Thanks for Reading.

- jB

Jersey. Always. #3 - "Modern Warfare"

This is it folks. The last video I will be releasing for the Replace the KB contest. While it was a toss up between this and "Getting to Know Bow 3", I just can't resist the opportunity to mix the Vancouver Canucks, Paintball and Jurassic Park together (plus, it was way too nice a day yesterday to not film something outside).

These have been an absolute blast to work on over the last couple weeks. I could not have done them without the help of the awesome crew mentioned up top in the #replacethekb tab. You can find all the videos I've done for the contest there. If you are like me and too lazy to click the tab (it is all the way up there after all), here is a shortcut.

In case this is my last post before the clock strikes midnight, I want to say thank you all for the positive feedback on the posts and videos. Coming into this contest in relative obscurity and competing with some of the best and most recognized names in Canucks fan blogging has been an honour and my diplomatic scorecards still have it as a 15 way tie for 1st place.

You know what? Who wants to see this contest extended? C'mon folks!

"ONE MORE WEEK! ONE MORE WEEK! ONE MORE WEEK!"

Thanks for not chanting. I'm exhausted. I think all 15 of us left it all on the ice (or keyboard as it were) and have a tremendous amount to be proud of.

Without further delay, "Jersey Always #3 - Modern Warfare".

Thanks for reading watching everything.

- jB

#ReplacetheKB

 

Twitter @jbowmancouver. I promise to tweet once a month about how much I love "McCain Deep n' Delicious Cakes".

"What's the Frequency Henrik?" - Tuning out the tuned out argument

Sunday, November 20th is "coaching day" in BC. I can't think of a better day to express that I've officially had enough of the rumblings that the Canucks now respond to the soon-to-be winningest coach in team history, Alain Vigneault, in the same way that Charlie Brown responded to adults.

(Somehow, I doubt Henrik is hearing trumpet noises right now.)

It is a popular topic when the Canucks are losing, and it's a popular topic when it comes to sports in general: the "tuning out" of a head coach. I can see where the basis of this take comes from. Coaches are leaders and leaders need to be inspirational, guiding influences. When a team falters, the knee jerk reaction is to criticize the result as "uninspired play".

(Players didn't respond to his plan of showing "Dead Poet's Society" on the jumbo tron.)

Jersey. Always. #2 - "Beer League"

A wise man with a great singing voice and radically fluctuating weight once said:

"A little less conversation, a little more action".

With that in mind, I present to you the second of three "Jersey. Always." videos entitled "Beer League". Keeping this series short and almost completely devoid of dialogue. If you have 1:12 seconds to spare today, I highly recommend giving it a viewing.

Check the #replacethekb tab at the top of the blog for my other campaign videos and #voteBow4Blog. The Cinderella story of this run is coming to an end, it's time to throw your support behind, well, not exactly the "dark horse".

Support the pale horse.



In case you were wondering, yes there is a take where a softball hit me "downtown". Perhaps there will be outtakes.

Thanks for reading.

- jB

#ReplacetheKB

Follow me on twitter @jbowmancouver There will be candy! (candy subject to change.)

Mike Gillis GM Camp for Kids - A Brochure Review

"A camp where kids and inept teens can gather and learn how to navigate life the Mike Gillis way" - Brochure.

"Don't be an idiot. Come here and learn something." - Brochure (first draft).

I was recently going through my "fictional things" drawer and I came across a brochure for an intensive summer camp for prospective or future GM's run by Canucks General Manager Mike Gillis.

(This kid will not be kissing any girls at the camp this year. Fact.)