Monday, October 25, 2010

Life's Little Battles: j.Bowman vs. Nestle

Microsoft. Google. McDonalds. Apple. Coca Cola. Starbucks. Walmart. The Empire in "Star Wars".

All corporate mega-giants. All hell bent on pushing around the little guy in the name of money (or in one case, Galactic Credits). From one degree to another, all of them put out quality products (with the exception of impenetrable space stations). You buy a Big Mac, you know you are getting "two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun" (They even guarantee such things in song form). You buy an Iphone, you know you are getting a device with the ability to watch the Thriller video whenever you want. You buy an Orange Mocha Frappachino, you know you are going to get made fun of, by me.

Expectations. These companies thrive on them. Their reputations depend on the fact that when you lay down hard earned money for goods and services the goods and services are good and...serviceable. However one immensely powerful company seemed to sleep through that part of business ethics class. I am not going to condemn them as evil just yet, but I will need to add something to my "Hate Hall of Fame" in November. Depending on the outcome of this, one of life's little battles, that spot may be reserved for you:

Nestle Chocolates.
(The corporate logo)

(What I can only assume the CEO looks like)

Checking the scoreboard, these folks have made 3 mistakes already. Their second mistake is underestimating my desire for justice. Their third mistake is not knowing that I can and will make mountains out of...the concept of molehills. Their first mistake? Read on, sleepless knights.

The following is copied from an email I have sent to the Nestle company. This is 100% real, as is my quest to have this disaster rectified.

"Dear Nestle Chocolates: Kit Kat department.

    I have been a strong supporter of your products for some time now. I have often enjoyed a variety of your chocolate bars dating back to when I was a child. Coffee Crisp and Kit Kat have always been my favorites. It is for that reason I have decided to contact you. On the night of October 1st, 2010, I purchased two of your Kit Kat bars at the local corner store by my house. I recently made some dietary changes in my life in order to lose weight, which have been successful, however the one indulgence I still allow myself is an occasional Kit Kat or Coffee Crisp. I have never before had any issues with these bars. Sometimes I choose the “king size" option. Not sure who recently decided to include two individual Coffee Crisp bars in the king size package instead of one big bar, but I think it was a positive decision. It is a lot easier to eat separately now. Before, whenever you’d break off a piece of a large Coffee Crisp bar it would break apart and be quite messy. So needless to say I’m happy to have a two bar option now. On the night in question, I had decided to purchase two Kit Kat bars instead. I often look at the selection offered by your competitors (Mars, Hershey, Cadbury) but find Nestle has the superior product. The Kit Kat bars I had purchased I was intending to eat at a party. Due to a recent medical issue I’m not able to drink alcohol and I’ve never been a smoker so I do enjoy eating a Kit Kat to relax in social situations. I ate one of the Kit Kat bars, and everything was as usual. Tasted great, didn’t get too melty. There is a reason it is my “go-to” chocolate bar. I opened my second bar some time later, and after breaking off my first piece and biting into it, I discovered that to my surprised, it had no wafer in it. At first I thought that perhaps it was some new special limited “all chocolate” Kit Kat. But after inspecting the packaging I determined that it was supposed to be a regular, wafer filled Kit Kat. I’ve attached a photo of this wafer-less Kit Kat, as well as a picture of how Kit Kat's are advertised and what I expect when I purchase one. I don't feel I need to point out the drastic difference. I'm not sure if it is a quality control issue or not, but I was surprised and disappointed on the night in question and I felt the urge to bring this to your attention as a loyal customer and supporter of your fine products. However I must admit I no longer know what to expect when I purchase them. With Halloween and Christmas approaching, I am concerned that perhaps Nestle might not suit my chocolate needs. I would appreciate a response at your earliest possible convenience. Thank you for your time.



Just in case you perhaps think I imagined this whole incident. Here are the photos that were attached (captions exclusive to j.Bowman Can't Sleep)

(Pictured: A promise)

(Pictured: A goddamn travesty)
And so turn the wheels of justice. The Rolo is in your court now, Nestle.

Thanks for reading


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